02 May, 2007

Diamonds are Nobody's Best Friend

Diamonds: beside from enslaving children, funding civil wars, helping global terrorism and being used as the tool for defrauding millions of lovestruck couples, it seems diamonds have found a new way to antagonise mankind.

You see, diamonds can now tear you a new arsehole!... Literally!

The Ritz-Carlton Hotel in Tokyo have the brilliant idea to concoct up a new cocktail called the "Diamond-tini":

...a cocktail with a hint of lime and chilled Belvedere vodka over a 1.06-carat stone, is topping the Ritz-Carlton beverage menu at a cool 1.8 million yen (US$15,000).

That price includes drink preparations table side, a serenade of "Diamonds are Forever" as a cut stone slides to the martini glass bottom, and later a ring mounting by a local jeweller.

I know you ain't supposed to nibble on the damn rock like it is a stuffed olive. But imagine what if your special someone purchase this drink as an engagement present for you. In your excitement at this flagrant show of wealth (and wastefulness), forgotten about the stupid stone at the bottom of the glass and down the whole bloody drink straight.

So imagine the pain and suffering the next six hours will bring, as the sharp edged stone is travelling pass your stomach and dredging through to the small and big intestine. The jewel will be slicing and dicing up all the soft squishy tissues wall of your digestive system, poisoning your blood with fecal matter, before arriving at your rectum to tear you a new arsehole.

Happy Engagement, Baby!!


Remember kids, when in comes to diamonds, JUST SAY NO!!


ln said...

ummm...if W knows abt this, she will order a double :(

Gord said...

Warn her of the dangers... (and the socia-economical effects) of her drinking the double...

JUST SAY NO, kids!