09 March, 2007

Q: Do You Think I'm Sexxxy, Baby?!? Huh? Do Ya?

A: An absolute and emphatic... NO!

Last weekend, I have awoken to a dawning truth about myself, that I will now share with this blog: That I, Gordon Wong, despite all my best effort, am a completely UNATTRACTIVE man.

Shock! Aghast! Horror!

Yes, it may come as bit of a surprise to you, my dear readers, that a strapping young lad like me, at the peak of his game, possesses exactly the same amount of HAWT-ness as what the Sahara Desert have of icebergs. It is a sad fact, yet utterly undeniable.

"How...", I hear you ask, "can a man of your fine features and warm personality be completely unattractive to members of the opposite sex? How can you even fathom such thoughts, Gordon?"... Hmm, I often wonder about that myself...

Then last weekend the veil of delusion was cruelly yanked away from my eyes, and I will present to you those two crucial pieces of evidence as testament to my complete lack of HAWT-ness.

If you will indulge me, your Honour, then allow me to present:

- - -

Exhibit A

Last Friday night, young Gordon was sharing a quiet drink with three single (and rather attractive) female associates, at a local tavern after a nice dinner with them. The table consists of just the four of them, enjoying each other's cosy company. When suddenly out of the blue, as a break from other lines of conversation, one of the girls pipped up and asked her female friend: "So, do you see any HAWT guys around here?".

They took the opportunity to survey the room, giggled and start lamenting about the lack of quality stallions in the stable.

Gordon is just sitting two feet away, at the same table, in plain sight and obviously within earshot... :'-(

This event occurred on the Friday night, which follows onto...

Exhibit B

Last Saturday night, at the conclusion of the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras parade, some of the friends Gordon attended with decided to retire off home while the rest of them have an urge for a midnight snack at the local McDonald's. It just so happens that young Gordon, though some good luck, have found himself in the company of three single (and attractive) female friends once more.

While feasting on the various delights of Maccas, the conversation naturally converged onto the parade and the frills of it all. One of the girls commented to another: "Hey, you know what? That guy that was standing next to you, don't you think that guy was so HAWT?!?"

The other two girls' faces lit up and they concurred with her immediately, "Yeah, that guys was definitely HAWT!!". Then they added "AND his BOYFRIEND was pretty damn HAWT too."

That's right, young Gordon was sitting two feet away, in plain sight, 100% heterosexual and completely unable to raise the pulse of the girls like the gay men earlier... :'-(

- - -

I rest my case, your Honour.

OK, OK, so it should be no major secret that I am devoid of any sex appeal (the photo is Exhibit C), yet I am very curious as to what, exactly, about me that women find so unattractive? Hmm...

This is an entirely serious question.

I am pondering about this puzzle in a precise academic fashion, studying the problem and itemising all the factors that attribute to my complete lack of HAWT-ness. And I shall present to you the findings in subsequent blog entries.

Stay tuned my friends... This is to be continued...

9 comments:

Scott McLean said...

Hi, I really like those movies you listed, although I haven't seen a new movie in months. There's always this weekend. Take care and have a great day!

Baby said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Baby said...

Lol Lol, your blog really made me laugh...keep up your good work. I like it...

Gord said...

Thanks for the comments scott, but what movies are you refering to?

Gord said...

Hi baby, I aim to entertain... make ppl laugh until someone's head roll off ;-D

ln said...

solution 1: wear a "I may not be HAWT, but I have a big pen*s!!!" T-shirt. That will get you some attention.

solution 2: Go to ThaiLand, get implants and sugery. you'll either turn out to be a freak or a HAWT. Either way, it will get you the attention you seek.

solution 3: That group of three girls, Hit on the hotest looking one, if that fail move on to the next one...if all three fail, find a new group of three girls and repeat the process. Like everything else in the mass marketting world, there will be a 3% success rate so with every failure, you're closer to success :)

Aren't you glad your friends always have solutions to all your problems...even ugly ones such as this.

Gord said...

solution 1: wear a "I may not be HAWT, but I have a big pen*s!!!" T-shirt.

That would be false advertising for me dude :-)

solution 2: Go to ThaiLand, get implants and sugery. you'll either turn out to be a freak or a HAWT.

Been there done that...

Aren't you glad your friends always have solutions to all your problems...even ugly ones such as this

Thanks, LN... I think... :-)

Anonymous said...

Your exbitions A & B don't prove jacks re your HAWTness (for or against).....

Cos girls in general will not perve on you....in front of you. D'OH.

So, you won't know of your degree of HAWTness, unless.......you set up sophisticated spy cam or the like in the name of research. DGJ

Gord said...

DGJ said:

Cos girls in general will not perve on you....in front of you. D'OH.

But they will not generally talk about other guys in front of you.

If they do, it is a sure sign that they see you as a "sister", someone to share emotions with rather than somebody they would date and/or have s3x with :-)