"Your lousy kung-fu is no match for my lousy kung-fu!!!"

You see, here I was thinking all that violence and rioting on the first day of the Australian Open, was the direct results of too many wankers mixed in with too much alcohol and testosterone... but boy, was I wrong.

Just take a look at the newspaper's clippings of these fighting arseholes and realised that this is not your usual racially motivated riot but a highly organised Balkan-based martial arts tournament. It takes a little to understand their style and nuance but I am here to shed a light on their kwazy kung-fu style. Czech it out:

At the beginning of tournament, many can spot Master "One-Arm-Wally" Jeckoffsevich doing his vocal warm-up. Do not be fooled by Master Jeckoffsevich harmless appearence, his "One-Arm-Wally" style is feared and laughed at throughout the Balkans.

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Of course, here is Master Flipoffsevich demonstrating his "Thousand Finger Punch" style. When facing this style of kung-fu, under no circumstance should you ever turn around and bend over to expose your buttocks to the master, or you shall suffer the "Thousand Finger" consequence.

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As the tournament kick off, you can see Master Numnutzevic displaying his "Kwazy Eyes One Way, Kwazy Fist The Other" style. VERY difficult to face this punch. In fact, so difficult to face it, after thousands of hours of practice, Master Numnutzevic has yet to land a punch in the general vicinity of a face.

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And here is Master Numnutzevic wowing the crowd with his unique "My Nuts To Your Foot" style. It is a ancient style passed on from his direct Balkan ancestor: Great Master Blacballzevic. A dangerously brave maneuver that could only end in tears for everybody involved.

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The action hots up with Master Hottgasevic facing off with the mysterious wanderer known only as Master "I-am-Superman-I-am". As you can see Master Hottgasevic is serving up his "Lard Arse Flatulence" style, well known for its ability to defeating roomful of men in one foul swoop. Fearsome stuff!

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Now you can see Master Hottgasevic projecting his "Lard Arse Flatulence" style onto Master Ayeshatmipantzevic. But of course, Master Ayeshatmipantzevic is more than capable in defending himself with his legendary "Chickee-dee-Chickee-dee" style. The entertainment never cease.

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And here is it... WOW, what a treat it is to witness the mastery of this powerful but not well known style: the "Drunken Arsehole Fist" style. Little is understood of its powers but that is not all that surprising.

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I cannot wait for next years Australian Open for more marvelous kwazy kung-fu style. What a treat!